


Knight Caper

by packmentality



Category: The Lone Gunmen (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-22
Updated: 2005-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-25 08:44:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1642202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/packmentality/pseuds/packmentality
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Yves gets there last, fails to murder the Gunmen, and doesn't have a talking car.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knight Caper

**Author's Note:**

> Written for knightshade

 

 

They got here before you. This is not going to end well.

It's cold on the rooftop. Not quite below zero, but definitely on its way. Your fingers are numb and the rope burns and scrapes. Also, your pants are starting to chafe. Possibly time to reconsider the all-leather getup.

Once the rope is secure, you swing around until you can see through the bank of windows. Twist to the right: office. Twist to the left: laboratory. Push a little further to the left: hallway containing one guard and two chattering scientists.

You're a patient individual. It would take no effort to wait for the scientists to wander off, or the guard to take a break. No effort at all. If not for the trio of shadows moving around in the darkened laboratory, this might even have been easy.

There's no way they could have known about this. Before yesterday _you_ weren't even sure this lead would turn up anything of interest. And yet, there they are. Snooping around the shadows like a bunch of, well, thieves. It's just not fair.

You're actually surprised when they manage to get out of the building without being chased out by guards. Even more so when you find them in good spirits. They've retrieved the chip. They don't look surprised to see you leaning against the van.

"Well, look who finally decided to show." Langly grins at you.

Frohike appears equally amused at your predicament. "I didn't think I'd live to see the day we got the drop on Yves."

"Very funny. Do you even know what it is you're carrying?" you ask, eyes flickering over to Byers.

As always, he's a little more receptive. If Jimmy were here, you'd have the story in an instant, and probably the chip as well. Byers holds up a hard, grey case.

"This chip will finally prove that Aerodyne Industries is spying on their customers." He's earnest, passionate. He truly believes in the quest for a better world.

"It makes the car talk." And now you're trying to ignore the fact that the snide voice in your head is starting to sound suspiciously like Langly.

Their blinking is practically audible. Byers opens his mouth to speak, but you rush on.

"It's an advanced version of OnStar, for God's sake. They're not spying on people, they're making a car right out of science fiction."

Langly snorts and chokes on his laughter. Frohike glares at him and snatches the case away from Byers.

"Well answer me this, Ms. Know It All." Frohike has puffed up like a porcupine, all hard edges and simmering rage. "If this chip is so useless, why are you even here?"

You cross your arms and pause for effect. Then pause again, because you have absolutely no comeback for that. Finally, you shrug. "I'm a Knight Rider fan."

There's that audible blink again. The trio are looking at you in awe and you suddenly remember that you're not supposed to be revealing personal information to them. Damn. Well, it's their fault for being so utterly incompetent and terribly amusing. If you had a nickel for every time you wanted to break down laughing in their presence, well, you wouldn't need to be doing what you're doing.

Frohike is still stewing, but there's a smile on Langly's face now and even the corner of Byers' mouth is twitching. Suddenly, it all makes perfect sense. Stoic persona aside, there's a reason you keep coming back to these three. So you let the facade slip for a moment. A wry smile and a wink later and Langly is guffawing loudly. Frohike throws his arms up in frustration and storms off to the van. Byers crosses his arms, then lets them hang at his sides like he doesn't know what to do with them. Finally, he sighs.

"Can we at least download some information before you sell it to the highest bidder?" He asks.

You give the appearance of pondering this for a moment, then nod. Because God, talking cars? Your buyer can wait a day or two. Also, if he plans to put it into anything other than a Firebird, you're going to shoot him and give the chip to Jimmy.

With the night's caper gone awry, there's really no reason for you not to sit around the Gunmen's lair while they decrypt the chip. Jimmy is under the mistaken impression that you're there for movie night and has ordered pizza. After the second instance of spilled soda on the couch, Frohike insists that Jimmy stop impersonating David Hasselhoff in a pathetic attempt to impress you and simply watch the episode in silence.

For a brief moment, you're tempted to just shoot them all, take the chip and get back to your real life. But your real life doesn't have pizza and soda stains, or Knight Rider reruns, or teamwork, or bravery, or people who actually _look_ at you, even if they're snarling or rolling their eyes.

And besides, you may get some satisfaction from putting a bullet between Langly's annoying beady eyes, but you can't shoot Jimmy. It'd be like shooting a puppy. A stupid, drooling, useless, adorable, loyal...um, puppy.

By the time dawn rolls around, Frohike is the only one doing any actual work, Jimmy wants to take the chip for a test drive, and Byers is doing a better Hasselhoff than Hasselhoff. It's around that time that you decide it's a good idea to leave, while you still have your dignity.

Langly is sleeping sideways in the armchair, on top of your coat and half drooling on the upholstery. On the one hand, dumping a glass of water over his head would provide hours' worth of amusement. On the other hand, that's a very expensive coat. You settle for making a loud noise two inches away from his ear and snatching up the coat as he topples to the ground, screaming like a girl.

Frohike holds the chip between two fingers and waves it in your direction. "Take your spoils and go, before you degrade my colleagues any further."

Langly glares and stands, picking dried cheese off his trousers. "Yeah, begone vixen. Your knowledge of bad 80's television is starting to get creepy."

Extended exposure to this lot has allowed you to perfect a devilish smile which is equal parts amusement and superiority. It never fails to irritate Frohike and Langly, amuse Byers, and reduce Jimmy to a stammering schoolboy. All in all, not a bad superpower.

"Thank you for the evening, gentleman. Try not to get into any trouble without me." A wink at Frohike for effect, and because the scathing look he shoots you will leave a warm feeling in your chest for the rest of the day.

"Bye, Yves." Byers nods in your direction, a small smile on his face.

"Drop by anytime!" Jimmy chimes in. Langly smacks the back of his head and you can hear the stage-whispered, "Don't encourage her!" as you slip out the door, casting a vague wave in their direction.

You've got the chip, a few hours later than anticipated, but mission accomplished. You've got mild heartburn from the pizza, a bit of Langly drool on your coat, and that sick feeling that Jimmy's going to be calling you tomorrow, asking that you bring over your collection of Team Knight Rider tapes.

As you drive away, you wonder when you became such a softie. You vow to change your phone number, never again buy a pair of trousers that chafe when you scale rooftops, and to stop talking to your car when you're alone. You consider it a matter of personal pride that it takes you a whole day to break two thirds of your vows. The pants were on sale, and it's not like anyone will ever know about the car thing. You doubt the phone company would be answering on Sunday anyway.

When Jimmy calls, two days later, you can't quite remember why you have the urge to bash your head against the dashboard.

_FIN_

 


End file.
